I Wonder Why I Love You Like I Do

Class, today we're going to be talking about human attraction.  Who knows what human attraction is?

Ah, yes! Melvin?

"When a boy likes a girl even though she has cooties!"

Very good Melvin, that is correct!  Who else knows other words for it?

Go ahead Lucille.

"Smell my finger!"

(It's in pink because she's a girl)

Lucille, if you were a boy I'd applaud that creativity, but since you're a girl, I'm going to punish you.  Go make me a sandwich.  Does anyone, who is INTELLIGENT...no mayonnaise, Lucille...know another word for human attraction?

What's the word, Kemonte?

"When someone has a crush on someone!"

That is right!  Does anyone in here have any crushes or know anyone who does?

Well don't look so skeptical, little Pedro, I was just trying to get some good advice for the ladies, naw meen?

LUCILLE!  I said to cut it diagonally!

Ah, alright.  Now that I've gotten out my jest, I can approach the topic at hand.  And that is a disorder I have diagnosed myself with (don't tell my mom) known as STD.  Spontaneous Truelove Disorder.  What?  Look, I didn't name it.

I have been doing well lately in handling my STD, but sometimes the mean ol' STD comes flaring up in a flash of passion.  The gist of STD is that you become infatuated with someone who you barely know for any one of many reasons.  Reasons include, but are not limited to: Smiles, grins, smirks, grimaces, ridicule, saying "Hi", saying "Thank you" when I hold the door, averting eyes when I walk past, being single, being in a relationship, existing, being a girl, having a decent hold on the English language, laughing at my jokes, frowning at my jokes, breathing, eating, sleeping, and many, many more.

STD isn't as rare as you think.  The amount of people who have STD is just enormous.  I mean, look at me.  I'm a big walking STD case.

Stifle your laughter, STD is not funny, and you would be so unhappy if you had STD.  It hurts alot!  Inside, it hurts, to have STD.  But I have it, and there is no cure except for WMD, Woman Master Disorder, aka Marriage, which is just trading one ailment for another!

Sometimes I wonder why I was chosen to have STD.  Was it my fault?  Was it my parents' fault?  Did they not teach me how to love the right way?  Regardless, STD sucks.

But really, now that that second jest is out of the way, I wonder sometimes where the heck these thoughts come from.  "Hmm, I had a minor conversation with her.  Wonder if she prefers one huge diamond on a ring, or two slightly smaller ones?"

If I'm meant to find the right girl (don't be shocked, I don't think everyone is meant to have someone, and it's another societal norm that runs the way we live), if it's God's will, then I'll find her and my overzealousness for a cute girl will maybe be what attracts her to me.  Who knows.  It's just weird to be going through life wondering if she is the one, oh maybe she is, and hmm, she looks like she can raise a heck of a child and build a heck of a pie.  On the other hand, she looks sweet and talkative and mild, a good foil for my bitter, rambunctious kamikaze personality.

Mrs. Right, you may be out there.  If so, I miss you.  If not, I'm talking to an imaginary friend.  Awesome.