The Hardest Part Is Knowing That You'll Forgive Me

I'm back on the web after about a month off.

And I'll be darned if I'm not sitting here wondering what I should write about.

I think I have an idea.  Here we go.

Today at church, my first time back to church in about a month or more probably, I was thinking some rude thoughts about the old man next to me who seemed to care a bit too much that we arrived a few moments late.  Then I thought about how I told a friend that living like a Christian means that when you make decisions you say "How can this option help me glorify God?  How about this option?  Okay, the first one is clearly the better of the two, but is it the best?"  And I remarked to myself that I haven't lived that way in a long time.

Sitting in that church I made a pact to God that I was going to take today, Sunday the 23rd of January, 2011, and make every decision based on if it would glorify Him or not.  But I failed not long after I left the building.  I was rude to a friend.  I thought negative thoughts about an ex-girlfriend.  I told a lie.  And I know I've done more than that, and just can't remember because the sins are so normal to me.  I think one of the things I've realized today more than ever is that humans suck.  We are bad at being good.  I always used to think that when I actually tried with enthusiasm to be good, I could do it.  But I tried today and was determined and I forgot all about it within the hour.

I really want to try again but it's honestly extremely disheartening to crash before I even get off the ground.