Whoa-oh, I've Been Banging My Head Against The Wall

If you write, surely you've encountered the dreaded writer's block.  Any tips?

I've tried everything!  I rubbed peanut butter on my feet and slid around with my eyes closed, a method that was dictated to me by the stoned ghost of e.e. cummings in a dream the other night.

I tried combining ideas of poor girlish storytelling with mythical creatures, and threw in some bad dialogue for good measure.  Stephanie Meyer told me that this is what she used to get rid of the writer's block she had right before she wrote her hit series.  And that failed.  I'm glad that method failed actually.

I've even tried slamming my head against beautiful works of art.  The theory, generated by Isaac Asimov to solve his very rare cases of writer's block, states that as the density of the writer's head and the density of a work of art approach equal values, inspiration is more easily transferred from the work of art into the head of the disgruntled writer via osmosis.  I tried paintings, novels, CD's, and finally realized that Isaac Asimov got all of his ideas from concussive dreams.  Allow me to elaborate via doodles:

 (Sorry about the blurriness, the post-its on the right say "You're in a concussive dream!  And I am the harp player!  RULE #1 OF THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY: 'NO DREAM SEQUENCES WITHOUT HARP MUSIC!'")

(Sorry again, the long quote on the right says "What is black, white, with a red beak and feet, and two black holes for eyes?  A penguin that manifests Evan's inability to draw!  Ha Ha Ha Ha) 

So you can see how his theory originated.  No one is going to find any piece of art that is as hard as their skull, except for a sculpture or statue.  So, when hitting something as hard as a statue, one will surely pass out in a concussive state.  Then all sorts of crazy stuff happens when our brain tries to sort it out.  And that is how Isaac Asimov came up with all of his zany sci-fi stories.  Well it worked for him.  It's not like his method gave me an entire blog post to rant or create something witty, like my blog posts usually are.

Bellybuttons?  Harp players?  Poorly illustrated penguins?  A stereo saying "UN-TISS"?  Seriously, what a stupid dream.  Most of my blog posts are about things that annoy me...and the stupidity of that dream and theory is so overwhelming.

Hey, wait a minute!  I wrote a whole blog post, with pictures and anger and everything!  Isaac Asimov cured my writer's block so well I didn't even know it was gone!

Clever guy.