In My Time of Dying, Want Nobody To Mourn

You know what makes me go bonkers?!

Oh jeez, you say.  Rolling your eyes, you pull the tarp up over your face, peeking precariously in my direction as you await the refuse of a watermelon smashed in fury whilst I rant.

I think I also just used 'whilst' incorrectly. Great.

Anyway, what makes me angry is when someone famous dies, they automatically are so much more liked than they ever were when they were alive by EVERYONE.  Like when M.J. died, preppy girls at my school who never knew he started out black were like "Oh My GAWD Stacy, can you believe he's dead?!  I mean, I never really listened to him, but it's only cus I knew I loved him already!  What's your favorite song of his?  Mine's Love Shack!"

And then we all remember the Facebook quizzes: "Which MJ song are you?"  "Which of the 11 Dropped Accusations from MJ's Kiddie Scandal Are You?"  "Which inanimate object on MJ's face are you?"  "If you could Time Travel, You'd Go to See MJ."  Apparently that last one was more of an answer than a question.

Anyways, I think it's funny that the whole "You never know what you got till it's gone" has seeped into pop culture.  It's like people were planning on listening to MJ's music one of these days but always put it off, and then when he died they were like "Oh crap!  I took him for granted while he was here and kept putting off his music!  It's just not the same if I listen to his discography while he's dead!  Now, to make up for it, I'll pretend that I've always loved him, and jump on the bandwagon.

Hey, who let that bandwagon into the funeral procession?

It happened for Patrick Swayze too, and Farah Fawcett, and Billy Mays, and...wait.  Billy Mays was always awesome and loved by all.

Anyways, you get my drift.  Everyone is fully prepared to let someone famous pass into obscurity even if they are amazing at what they do.  The minute they die, we roll out the red carpet and make collages and write acoustic tributes and cry into our coffee mugs.  It just annoys me, being the highly tuned cynic that I am.  If you're gonna like someone, do it all the time.  You think I only like Gopher Claw because Billy Mays died. Heck no, what's not to love about the Gopher Claw year-round?!  You think I like Dirty Dancing any more because Patrick Swayze died?  No, I don't, it still sucks and still makes me wonder how an entire generation of males passed their genes on to the next.

That said...I'm planning on taking full advantage of this death-after-fame nonsense.  I know that all you millions of people out there are just waiting till I die in some big scandal, like maybe old age or hitting a banana peel while driving and careening wildly into a gorge, and then you'll read my blog in droves.