Whoo! I could make this a monster post, but I believe I shall split it into two. Or as the little Asian boy at the Chinese buffet said when we asked him to divide the check into separate meals, because mine was more expensive than the other two since I ordered a Mountain Dew, "I'll just sprit it into free..."
But really, just two posts.
The first post is a follow-up to the oh-so uplifting post about my medication.
I have found some contentment in the midst of my conditioning to be unwell without my Zoloft. For the past two days or so, things have just been good. I have found that a 50mg pill of Zoloft compares pitifully to 50 seconds of human contact. The last two days have been filled with friends, old and new, and I think that is something no psychiatrist with impressive office furniture can prescribe.
Further, as I write this, I'm sitting across from my friend Jackie. It seems silly to whine about how not having my medication messes me up when I think about Jackie. Jackie has fought cancer and surgeries her whole life practically, since she was two years old. I just asked her because I forgot how many, but she has had 38 surgeries. She runs a mental inventory and confirms, yes, 38 surgeries. She's got two more slated for the future, so soon she'll be over the hill in surgery years.
A few days ago we talked about our medications, and I pulled out my main gun, Zoloft, 50mg. Fear me. She then discussed her multiple medications, some of which were 8 times the concentration of mine, 400mg. I just looked up from my keyboard and screen to chat a bit about the chemistry she is trying to accomplish, and I see her one real eye, hazel and dark, as it moves like a real eye does. Next to it she has a fake eye, hazel and dark, but still and unmoving. Below that fake eye, she has a metal rod that has to be adjusted every year, and when it is adjusted, it expands her jawbone. When she was young, a surgery messed up part of her jawbone, I believe removing a section. So the doctors are now gradually stretching out the remaining bone.
Despite all of this, Jackie is beautiful. I don't mean like, write a love song about her beauty, but just as a human being. The love song beauty is superficial, and too many love song beauties have no substance to them. But human beauty is pervasive, it doesn't stop to check its hair in the mirror, it doesn't put on lipstick or indulge in any of the commonplace vanities. She is interesting, because she is rather unique at this Christian school. She swears relatively often, she has doubts about God, and she makes jokes about drinking and other unmentionables. She doesn't let the fact that her past is full of gurnies and anesthesia stop her from making her future about being alive and alert. She does have veins of sadness like me, and thus I can easily relate to her.
But anyhow, this is just an update, as I'm sure you're all very concerned about my moodswings (well, I know some good friends are, and those reading this know who they are). I'm doing better. I'm getting sick, but health wouldn't be appreciated if we never got sick. I'm looking forward to getting over this because it will just help me appreciate things more in general.
Further, as I write this, I'm sitting across from my friend Jackie. It seems silly to whine about how not having my medication messes me up when I think about Jackie. Jackie has fought cancer and surgeries her whole life practically, since she was two years old. I just asked her because I forgot how many, but she has had 38 surgeries. She runs a mental inventory and confirms, yes, 38 surgeries. She's got two more slated for the future, so soon she'll be over the hill in surgery years.
A few days ago we talked about our medications, and I pulled out my main gun, Zoloft, 50mg. Fear me. She then discussed her multiple medications, some of which were 8 times the concentration of mine, 400mg. I just looked up from my keyboard and screen to chat a bit about the chemistry she is trying to accomplish, and I see her one real eye, hazel and dark, as it moves like a real eye does. Next to it she has a fake eye, hazel and dark, but still and unmoving. Below that fake eye, she has a metal rod that has to be adjusted every year, and when it is adjusted, it expands her jawbone. When she was young, a surgery messed up part of her jawbone, I believe removing a section. So the doctors are now gradually stretching out the remaining bone.
Despite all of this, Jackie is beautiful. I don't mean like, write a love song about her beauty, but just as a human being. The love song beauty is superficial, and too many love song beauties have no substance to them. But human beauty is pervasive, it doesn't stop to check its hair in the mirror, it doesn't put on lipstick or indulge in any of the commonplace vanities. She is interesting, because she is rather unique at this Christian school. She swears relatively often, she has doubts about God, and she makes jokes about drinking and other unmentionables. She doesn't let the fact that her past is full of gurnies and anesthesia stop her from making her future about being alive and alert. She does have veins of sadness like me, and thus I can easily relate to her.
But anyhow, this is just an update, as I'm sure you're all very concerned about my moodswings (well, I know some good friends are, and those reading this know who they are). I'm doing better. I'm getting sick, but health wouldn't be appreciated if we never got sick. I'm looking forward to getting over this because it will just help me appreciate things more in general.
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